This is Why

by Dr Peta Wright

I caught up with a beautiful old friend recently who asked me about my why when it comes to this blog. She wondered if it was part of a master plan or whether it was for marketing purposes.

Answer on both counts: A resounding ‘no’!

Her question did make me reflect on my why though and made me want to put into words the reasons for throwing my voice into the deep dark void of the inter-webs.

I guess the two Whys are ‘Why me?’ and ‘Why now?’

Ever since I was a little girl I remember wanting to help people. That has always been my driver. The how has changed a bit throughout the years. Working as a doctor and seeing the most intimate and vulnerable parts of women’s lives is an honour and privilege second to none. I suppose in the last few years I have become a bit disillusioned with how much I can actually help, working within a healthcare system that I feel focuses on picking up the pieces as a person is falling off the precipice rather than looking at ways to prevent the free fall often caused by our modern lifestyle in the first instance.

I became jaded about working within a system that focuses on band-aiding symptoms rather than delving into the complexities of root causes. And while I have introduced these ideas into my one-on-one on practice I often feel increasingly frustrated and like there is a way to have a broader impact.

I also loathe the idea of medical practitioners being the gate keepers of health and medical information, perpetuating the confusion and lack of clarity and power women have over their own bodies. The number of times I have had a patient bashfully say to me, ‘I know I shouldn’t Google it, but...’

I want to take them by the shoulders firmly but gently, look them in the eyes and say, ‘Of course you should Google it. Of course you should find out everything you can about your own precious body. You should be proud to seek more information, not to feel ashamed of it.’

We give people who buy a juicer a better more comprehensive manual than what we encourage for our bodies.

I want to help bring information into the light for women so they can truly be autonomous in their own healthcare. I passionately believe that it is the right of each and everyone of us to have access to all the information and that it is my responsibility as someone who has spent my life practising women’s medicine, studying, and being let in behind the scenes of women’s lives to make it accessible.

This is what this platform is about.

Why now?

For as long as I can remember, I have had a sort of imposter syndrome, a concept I know is familiar to many women. I was always unsure, always asking for permission, always looking to someone else with more qualifications than me for the answer. I was afraid to speak up. I would begrudgingly say yes to speak in front of a group of GPs with my heart beating a million miles a minute on the inside, terrified of whether I would say the wrong thing, look silly or speak inarticulately.

It took me a long time to get out of my own way and understand that what I was talking about is bigger than all that fear. I realised that if I was going to keep playing small I wouldn’t be able to help anyone. And life is too short to play small. I realised that it wasn’t about me. It’s about you. All the girls and women who want to be heard, listened to and who are seeking answers and information and someone to collect their stories and pains and heartbreaks and who factors their whole being into the picture when dealing with their struggles.

It’s about understanding that medicine can be different. It can be accessible. It can be heart-centred and take into account the whole woman.

The why now, is that I couldn’t practice medicine another way for one second longer and I wanted to start a more authentic dialogue with women hungry for information about their bodies and how to keep them healthy.

I don’t know everything and never will. But I care so much that I am always learning and hope that never changes. Right now I should actually be finishing an assignment for my Masters degree but I am being pulled here instead…

I used to think that I shouldn’t speak up unless I had all the qualifications and all the answers but I now realise if I wait until then I will never find my voice. The brave truth telling writer Glennon Doyle said, ‘Show up before you are ready’.

And so here I am. This is my voice but it’s also hundreds of voices. It’s all the voices of all the women who felt lost or confused or unsure and lost in the medical system when it comes to health care.

There are women around me who have inspired me to add my voice to the chorus. You are the women already doing this work and you know who you are.

The other part of the Why now is that I can feel the level of global inquiry growing. I can see the movement of women embracing their bodies, their hormones their cycles, their sexuality and sensuality and throwing away all the taboos and I want to be part of helping to give women back to themselves.

Hopefully in writing this I might encourage other people to stop waiting for the perfect time, until they know all the things, and to start now, imperfectly, where ever they are. Because this is the only chance we get.

So to my dear, beautiful friend, this is my why.